Pessimistic at Best
Welcome to Pessimistic at Best, a podcast for those with a penchant for frequent frustrations, personal gripes, unpopular opinions, honest observations, and the like. Hosted by Sam, your resident Pessimistic Patty, this weekly show operates on the belief that no complaint is too small.
Each week, Sam sits down with a guest to explore the good, the bad, and the ugly. A surprisingly good country album by your favorite pop artist, a bad bang trim you gave yourself during a manic episode, a military homecoming video on the internet that made you ugly cry. The list is endless, and therein lies the beauty. Come on in, we saved you a seat!
Episodes
180 episodes
Finding Our Zen or Whatever
The secret to finding your zen? Perhaps it's going off the grid to fish on some remote lake in the middle of Canada, cracking a cold one and watching the storms roll through, or picking off your moles one by one — who am I to judge? Drue and I ...
We're Off the Stuff
You know what's chic? Cutting back, scaling down, doing sort of a less is more moment. In reference to what exactly? Well, anything that's no longer serving you, of course! On this week's episode, Jeremy and I dive into what we're saying no to,...
We've Been to the Year 3000
POV: It's 2006, the Jonas Brothers have just released their debut album, It's About Time, and you briefly leave your body. Caroline and I get into her music origin story, her earliest fandoms, and how that eventually led to building th...
It's Really Hard to Be Alive
Have you ever had to do a few laps around Agora Market before working up the courage to ask the guy behind the deli counter for a pound of pork chorizo? Because for some of us, that's just a Thursday! Martina and I spend this week's episo...
Can I Interest You in a Glass of Milk?
Milk with dinner is a Midwestern birthright, and the internet has a lot of feelings about it. Whether you've kept the faith, developed a tragic intolerance, or just quietly renounced your heritage, Sophia and I weigh in on this week's episode.<...
U-Haul
Listen, we're going to let you in on a little secret — if you ever find yourself stuck somewhere and there are no rental cars available, you're going to get your ass over to the nearest U-Haul and take it from there, okay? Donnie and I hop on t...
A New Bombshell Has Entered the Villa
POV: I interrupt your sunbathing to ask if I can pull you for a chat, but I'm a sexy banana named Benanito, wyd? Greg and I take to the podcast to dissect the AI-generated, fruit-themed Love Island mini-series that has taken TikTok by storm.
To Be Cringe Is to Be Free
Unfortunately whoever said, "If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly" was onto something. Post your first attempt at a french mani to main, publish the scripted podcast episode you recorded out of your studio apartment, to be cringe ...
Mint and Chocolate
When it comes to sweets, what's your preferred flavor profile? There is a right and wrong answer, btw! If you gravitate toward fruity desserts, you're officially in the doghouse. I don't make the rules! If, like me, you yearn for rich, chocolat...
Reality TV Pilled
Who needs fictionalized drama when you have the service industry? There's no group more ripe with scandal than the front-of-house staff at your favorite local haunt. Sophia and I take to the podcast to celebrate reality TV's greatest hits, incl...
The Best Places to Cry on Campus
College was a fever dream, a bunch of kids living in a pretend world, cosplaying as adults with meal plans, and it was awesome!!! Mickey and I jump on the podcast to chat about our freshman year floor (s/o Sellery 7A), navigating co-ed living a...
A Pink Lamborghini
Are you ready to level up your dating game? Looking to impress some lucky lady? The Rizzler says the key to winning her heart is actually quite simple, head to your local mall and buy her a pink Lamborghini, duh!!!Conor and I take to the...
Stuff vs. Things
What constitutes stuff vs. things? Easy, boys like stuff, girls like things, and a dream is a wish the heart makes, next question! Meghan and I take to the podcast to settle the stuff vs. things debate, defend the typo, survive a s...
Celebrity Thinkpiece
Your favorite celebrity is planning their next thinkpiece on Substack, whether you like it or not! Superstars, they're just like us. James and I jump on the podcast to praise the tactile joy of writing with pen and paper, mock the t...
Is This Thing On?
Where do I begin? It’s been exactly eight months since I’ve blasted your eardrums with my microphone, and so many things have changed in such a short period of time. Some good, and some catastrophically bad, but of course, I don’t need to tell ...
Bring Back Crossover Episodes
Picture this: the year is 2006, and Disney's three-episode crossover series 'That's So Suite Life of Hannah Montana' is releasing its first episode at 8/7 central, and you're SAT, ready to witness a piece of history.James and I take to t...
We’re All Afraid Our Kids Will Be Losers
We're all secretly afraid that our kids will be losers, and listen, I'm here to tell you that if that happened to me? I wouldn't talk to him either!James and I jump on the podcast to toast to bar games (think pool, darts, shuffleboard, y...
The Breakfast Industrial Complex
Why did breakfast box itself into such narrow thinking? The day's most important meal could be so much more than eggs, if only we let it become fully realized!!!Sadie and I jump on the podcast to chat about nicknames we love, bike lanes ...
Novelty Snacks
If there's a viral snack collab unfolding, Lilly is on the scene! Mountain Dew x Flamin’ Hot Cheetos? Sign her up. Swedish Fish Oreos? She's buying 'em, and nobody can stop her, damn it!Lilly and I take to the podcast to indulge in absur...
A Biggie for Your Troubles
Who eats sardines straight from the tin, carries a wad of rubberband-bound singles, and is in “talks” with the Italian government? Depends on who's asking. Adam and I take to the podcast to toast to tinned fish, raise a stink about ...
Sexy Unique Restaurant
It’s important to remember that the SUR experience has little to do with the food. Its true specialties lie in campy ambiance, overpriced cocktails, and the chance to share a room with some of reality TV’s messiest players—pure bliss!Ma...
The Waterpark Capital of the World
Picture this: You're freshly thirteen, you've got your brand new Ocean Pacific swimsuit on, and you're patiently making your way up the wooden staircase with your tube in hand. What's waiting for you at the top, you ask? None other than the Wil...
Wrestling Is the Straight Man’s Drag
Name something more c*nty than a giant chiseled man with a spray tan and platinum blonde blowout strutting to the ring in a bedazzled outfit to the tune of "Real American"—you can't!Rohan and I take to the podcast to celebrate grown men ...